Financial Sarcasm Roundup For 05/04/15

In some parallel universe, sarcasm does not exist. I would hate to live there. My universe’s sarcasm calibration makes life way more interesting.

Warren Buffett cautions against a minimum wage increase. Every once in a while he spouts some common sense like the small business owner he used to be. The guy may not be going soft after all in his old age. He’s a step ahead of the federal policymakers who don’t read their own CBO and CRS reports showing clear relationships between a higher minimum wage and lower job growth.

Greek bond trading volume just went down a big hole. No one in their right mind wants to buy Greek bonds while the Tsipras government must go hat in hand to Brussels. Hedge funds still buying this junk are insane. The dumbest private investors hope debt relief will hit the troika’s Greek bond holdings first. Good luck with that plan, idiots. The troika has every right to throw private investors under the bus when the time comes.

The SEC is dragging its heels in paying whistleblower rewards. That figures. The SEC couldn’t catch Bernie Madoff and other fraudsters, so they spite the ones who do catch them by showing passive-aggressive behavior with payouts. I can think of a couple of local phonies I’d like to nail if it would get me some of that payout money. Waiting years for a claim would cramp my style. That’s what they mean by “close enough for government work” when the check clears three years late.

Another bunch of smarty-pants studies show how men and women approach investing differently. It looks like women have a leg up by choosing target date funds and making fewer changes to their assets over time. Have confidence in yourselves, ladies, and you’ll get rich faster than men. I look forward to seeing more rich babes in San Francisco who will buy me dinner. Sarcasm is a freebie, just like romantic dinners from those rich babes.

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Author: Travis Esquivel

Travis Esquivel is an engineer, passionate soccer player and full-time dad. He enjoys writing about innovation and technology from time to time.

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